It’s. So. Frustrating.

We try and try to help our kids and they don’t listen! They whine. They act out. They tell us we don’t understand. They say mean/hurtful things. What to do???

Maybe, just maybe, we can CHANGE UP our game a bit and have better results, MORE connection and,THUS, move ahead with relationship.

Let’s start here: Kids do NOT have the same brain maturity or development we have. They won’t be able to fully access the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) functions until around age 25. Yep. 25.

This is because the brain develops from the bottom (brain stem) to the top, and the PFC (located behind your forehead) is the last portion of the brain to fully develop. This does NOT mean that children do not have fully functional brains. Rather, they do not DEVELOP the complex skills adults have until later in their development.

Functions of the PFC include:
**seeing around the corner to consequences
**assessment and control of appropriate social behaviors
**logical thinking
**planning, reasoning, judgment
**attention
**inhibition of impulsivity

So. OF COURSE kids struggle with letting us know:
**how they feel exactly
**why they did what they did
**why they didn’t do something they needed to do
**how they couldn’t have thought of the consequences

Helping kids CONNECT their feelings WITH their thinking AND their behaviors is one of the MOST USEFUL things we can do for their brain and psycho-social development. But it’s not necessarily natural for them. It’s a bit of work.

Just like we experience the need to express/let-it-go/explore OUR stressful feelings in an attempt to parent at our best, KIDDOS also need to RELEASE their emotions. And. Then process with a helpful other. Someone who has full PFC function and accessibility!

And remember: Validate. Validate. Validate. We never have to FIX IT. Hearing another and NOT offering judgment or fixes or “I would do it this way or I would feel this way”…that is what we are after. Validation. Connection.